So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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