PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
