Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
