Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
