why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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