I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
