I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
