The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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