my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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