she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
