All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
