i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
