So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
