I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
