So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i think my cat just said my name.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
