I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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