sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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