we're blogging at a bar
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
