Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
