He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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