The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
