Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
