yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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