i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
