Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
