so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
