Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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