The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
