So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
