as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
