You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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