I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
