xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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