It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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