In the future we'll all be gay
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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