does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
