I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
