8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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