I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
