After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
