she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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