Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
