We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am one with the molecules
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
