I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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