She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
