Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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