she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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