I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
