If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
