I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
