I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
