Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
