I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
