isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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