I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
