How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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